Paul Seaburn January 6, 2022

If you wondered last year why a time traveler from the future would voluntarily choose to go back 500 years and visit 2021 … you’ll probably also wonder why he (it’s always a he when it comes to time travelers) stuck around to watch the ball drop and is now making new revelations for 2022 to prove that the wrong revelations he made in 2021 don’t disprove his “I’m from the future and you need to know this” warnings about things that didn’t happen. @aesthetictimewarper is one such TikTok (yes, it’s still the social media choice for time travelers in 2022) time traveler who shouldn’t be getting any attention … except he has a new promise and a couple of truly mind-boggling revelations.

Mandatory tool for modern time travelers?

“!ATTENTION! In 2 months, I will be taking 10 random people to the year 2714. You will get a tour of the galaxy, it will feel like a year to you, no aging, and will return at the same time. All of you who go will see the chaos humans have caused, and will prove that I am a real time traveler.“

Ah, yes … the requisite promise of proof. If you don’t believe @aesthetictimewarper, maybe you’ll believe ten people who go to the future with him and come back at exactly the same time and not looking aged – how will we really know they went to the future? Their scary stories of how ad we humans are? We can get that from cable news. While it is certainly enticing to escape 2022 for a year and get a “tour of the galaxy,” it would be more reassuring if the pilot of the time machine had a proven track record … don’t you think? Perhaps it would be better just to stay here and see if any of his other new forecasts come true … and two of them are real doozies. (If you get a chance – ask him if he knows where the term “doozie” comes from. Tell him to go to 1920 for a hint.)

Of course, he opens with the promise.

“I have been thought of as a fake time-traveller for too long, so remember these three major dates in early 2022.

March 11 – the first human has a child with a chimpanzee, it can talk and has mixed features.

April 19 – a new covid strain ‘omega’ emerges, five times worse than all other versions.

September 17 – the largest creature is discovered in the ocean, called the Cerine Croin, over four times the size of the blue whale.”

Whoa! Someone is currently pregnant with a human-chimp hybrid that will be born on March 11 already talking! What will the hybrid be talking about? Well, if it survives for five weeks, it will hear about the COVID variation using the last letter of the Greek alphabet. That’s not exactly an unexpected revelation. However, if it lives for five more months, it will see something guaranteed to knock it out of the news … a Cerine Croin! A what?

The Cerine Croin or Cirein-cròin was a mythical shape-shifting sea monster in Scottish Gaelic folklore said to be the largest animal ever that could shrink to the size of a tiny silver fish to trick fishermen into catching it – then reverting to its normal humongous size to eat him. Why would the world’s largest animal need to resort to such trickery? Perhaps the talking human-chimp hybrid can ask it in September.

It’s time to tell you about your real mother.

Unbelievable? @aesthetictimewarper knew you would say that because he claims that he revealed the number of COVID cases in a day would reach one million … and it did this week. If that proves he’s a time traveler, a lot of scientific and medical people who also predicted it can make the same claim. However, only @aesthetictimewarper promises a trip to 2714 and back.

Have you given up on @aesthetictimewarper … or will you wait to hear the human-chimp hybrid talk about the Cerine Croin and how they both beat the Omega variation?

MU*