Rosa Pasquarella

Being a delivery driver has its perks: you get to spend most of your time in your car listening to your music, and you don’t have management constantly breathing down your neck. It’s a profession loved by teenagers and adults alike. However, after reading these stories, you may want to reconsider your career path (if you’re thinking about delivering for a living).

What happens when you show up to a delivery and are received by a stark-naked woman? Do you have to go into an apartment per a customer’s request, even if it smells like death? Delivery drivers took to Reddit to share some of their most bizarre stories from their tenure; we’ve gathered the best, and delivered them straight to your door… or computer.

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• Man orders pizza, commits suicide

“I worked at a Pizza Hut in high school. Our delivery guy went out and was ‘gone’ for the next three hours. This was before cellphones and we didn’t know what happened so I had to take over deliveries. He shows back up and we all ask him where he has been because we are way behind schedule. Someone had ordered a pizza to one of the dormitories [on the Air Force base] and left the door cracked open. Naturally, he pushed the door open to give what he expected to be a drunk airman his pizza.

Instead, the airman had hung himself and was dead. That’s how he wanted to be discovered. Our driver was out so long because of police reports and what not. Terrible night.”

• Driver made violently ill by customer’s scent

“The worst delivery I’ve ever had was about two years ago. I got to the apartment, knocked on the door, and heard a voice from inside tell me to come in. OK – no big deal. Probably has her handful with kids or something so I open the door, walk in and made the biggest mistake: I took a breath. The smell was unforgettable. It smelled like rancid, decomposing flesh that had been sitting in the sun for days while simultaneously being kept hydrated. I continued to walk with only a small falter in my step and took the pizza and pop to the lady in the chair. The closer I walked to her, the worse the smell got. After what seemed like years she finally handed me the money gave her back change (more than I should have) and walked out of the apartment. As soon as the door was closed behind me, I puked. Puked until I was dry heaving but still puking.

Eventually I made it to my car but I could still smell it. It was on my clothes. I did the only logical thing I could think of. I stripped. Hoodie, shirt, pants, socks and shoes all tossed into my trunk. Drove back to the pizza place, got out of my car, grabbed my clothes and walked in like a boss. The other driver just staring at me in my boxers. Went to the back of the store and did laundry.”

• Woman gets pizza guy’s number, texts nudes, then ghosts him

“I delivered for a pizza place, got an order for a house further than our usual delivery radius. I pull up, knock on the door and wait… and wait and wait. Then knock again. Nothing. So I call when a women answers the phone sounding groggy as hell. ‘OK sorry, I’ll be right there.’ She opens the door, robe completely open with a slender naked body underneath. All I could muster was, ‘You look nice.’ That was enough for a ‘Thanks cutie.’ She paid me and sent me back on my way. Minutes later, I get a text, ‘What’s your name?’ So we begin a little text chat which after a little chatter ends up in her sending me three or four nudes (not that I didn’t just see her in her open robe). A day goes by and I figured I’d send her a text. Her response was ‘Sorry, who’s this?’ I respond with the ol’ ‘I delivered pizza to your house.’

She then directs me to adultfreindfinder.com and tells me to set up an account and message her there. That’s some good advertising tactics! I didn’t sign up or text her back. I was kind of just weirded out by the whole situation. She must send a lot of full frontal nudes out via text.

• Driver finds out kid paying for pizza has been left home alone for days

“I delivered pizzas at a bunch of different places… You get ‘regulars’, like any restaurant. People who order all the time, and usually order the same thing. There was one delivery I would always make to a house, and a little girl (maybe ten) would always answer the door and pay for the pizza. That wasn’t too weird – kids like to pay for pizzas a lot. The orders were sometimes early in the evening, sometimes late.

One evening I delivered a pizza to her, and she didn’t have enough money. I suggested she go get one of her parents, and she said her mom wasn’t there, and her daddy ‘wasn’t alive anymore’. I asked when her mom might be back (thinking she ran out somewhere), and the girl said ‘Thursday’.

It was Monday.

I said are you sure, and she said yes her mommy’s boyfriend lives in [nearby town] and she leaves on Monday and comes back on Thursdays ‘most of the time’. I asked about grandma, any family, friends, etc. – no, no, no, no.

So, I sort of sat there wondering ‘Well, what the f*ck do I do now?’ I thought about giving her the pizza and saying, ‘Here you go, bye.’

After one of those ‘Probably only ten seconds but feels like an eternity’ moments I asked if I could borrow her phone (this was pre-cell phones). I called the police and sat on the steps with the little girl until the police arrived.

She talked about her cat that ran away, and her my little ponies, and gave me a friendship bracelet. I noticed her hair and clothes were dirty. I thought about this poor girl just sitting in her house for days at a time completely alone.

The police came, I told them my story, and they told me to leave – not sure whatever happened to her. No pizza orders from that house anymore – I would check all of the orders whenever I worked.”

• Woman dies before her pizza arrives; still tips

“I used to do pizza delivery for a local pizza shop in Lexington, KY. There was this old woman who always ordered a pizza every Wednesday night. One day, she called ordering a pepperoni pizza (her usual). She’s right down the street so it was ready in ten minutes and I was out for delivery.

Yet, when I got to her home, an ambulance was parked out front. I walked up to the door, pizza in hand, and pushed the doorbell. A younger woman (I presume her daughter), explained to me that she passed away and that I was the last person she ever talked to. The woman’s daughter paid with tip and I went back to work.”

• Customer asks delivery driver to pawn her microwave to pay for her bill

“Delivered pizzas in North Dakota and always used to get some weirdos: dirt roads were always a bad sign. One time I arrive at the address in a trailer park, and there is a note on the door that says, “Please come inside, money is on the counter.” Whatever, I head in there, and there is a $20 bill sitting there for a $26 order. Great, so I decide to wait, but after about five minutes it’s starting to look like a lost cause. I call them up to see what’s up, and a woman answers. I explain to her that she’s a little short and she says, “Yeah I know, didn’t you see my note?” I told her I did see the note, which is how I knew they were $6 short. “No, the other note. The one on the microwave.” Turning my head, I see a post-it note with the words “Pawn Me” scribbled on it. “You want me to pawn your microwave to make up the difference?” “Yes,” she said, “we do it a lot. There’s a pawn shop right next door and they usually give me around $20 for it. That should cover the bill and give you a tip for your troubles.”

I wasn’t totally sure if this was legal, but I ventured over to the pawn shop, and he did indeed give me $20 for it. I asked if this was common and the guy working the counter said I was the fourth delivery guy that month to come in with that microwave. Hey, at least I got a $14 tip out of it!”

• Circuit City delivers to a retired adult film star

“I worked for Circuit City, and I was one of the people who delivered and set up TVs and computers. There was this one time we were delivering a computer to this older lady who looked like she was in her 60s. When we arrived at her house we hear Nine Inch Nails blasting from the house. We thought this must be an awesome old lady. She invited us in and while we set up her new computer she turned off the music and started blasting lesbian porn on her gigantic TV. We both just kind of ignore this and continue with setting up the computer in the most awkward silence possible. She then starts to talk to us about how she used to be a porn star, and how she would like us to stay longer. It was me, an 18-year-old kid, and my boss, 40-year-old ex-marine; and he just goes ‘Well I’m married but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.’

She started hitting on me quite a bit harder. It got to the point were we just left in the most awkward silence… Until we got to the truck were we started just laughing our asses off.”

• Adult baby orders pizza

“I was working for Domino’s and had a delivery to a condo complex.

I knock on the door and this dude opens the door and he is in diapers and has a bow in his hair like a little baby.

It was… awkward.”

• Fat man accepts pizza in leopard print thong

“Went to this guy’s house, and the door was open with the screen door in front of it. Rang the door bell like three times, no answer. Called twice, and I could hear the phone ringing in this guy’s house (the phone was actually on a table that I could see).

So I call a third time and this big fat pimply white guy comes down the stairs in nothing but a leopard print thong to pick up the phone.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello, this is the pizza delivery guy… I’m at your front door.’

He just turned his head and saw me looking at him, dropped the phone, and ran upstairs. I got a nice tip.”

• Delivery man’s wife buys couch without his knowledge

“I once delivered a sofa to my own house that my wife had bought without consulting me.”

• Delivery truck nearly hijacked by fugative

“I used to deliver beer to various liquor stores, gas stations, and bars. There were was one moment in particular that left me dumbfounded, and it wasn’t until later that I realized how dangerous the situation was.

I was leaving a gas station that I had just delivered to. As I was walking towards the truck cab I saw in my mirror that there was a large unkempt man quickly approaching me from behind.

Right as I began to turn around six to eight police cars pulled up to the station with every officer getting out, hands on their weapons. They shouted to get on the ground and I just froze, not knowing what to do. The officers rushed and one grabbed me and pulled me aside. I have no idea what he said to me because a helicopter was present. At this point, the approaching man was handcuffed.

I had to wait a little bit while the officers took account of the situation but one of the officers got on his walkie-talkie saying ‘We got him!’ I still have no clue who that guy was, only that he could be a very dangerous individual.”

• Rural delivery driver attacked by farm rooster

“I delivered a pizza to a farmhouse. I lived in an area with a town and farms on the outskirts. So I go up to the door, deliver said pizza without incident. Customer closes door and I turn around to realize I am trapped on the front porch by a pissed off rooster. He comes at me and I jump over the ledge of the porch.

That damn cock chased me all the way back to my truck pecking at my ankles.”

• Man delivers to a fortune teller

“I used to deliver food for a grilled sandwich shop back in college. One delivery I took had me going to the fortune teller’s place at the other end of town. She’s a middle-aged woman of Middle Eastern descent and she invites me inside as she has to rummage around for the money.

As she’s looking we’re making small talk about fortune telling and what it’s like, the people she sees, why she does it, etc.

Eventually she pays me and caps our conversation with ‘Alright, I’ll see you around, Blake.’ I never, at any point in the conversation, told her my name. I walk out stunned and shaken, I sit in my car for a good minute just dipping in and out of reality suddenly wondering if mind reading and fortune telling were real things. I then look down and see my name tag on my shirt.”

• Driver wins massive tip in beer pong tournament

“I worked as a delivery driver for a local shop that delivered around a college, and got sent on a $235 delivery to a frat that was having a party. Upon delivering the pizza, I was told I could have $250 or play a game of beer pong, in which I would win $500 or get nothing.

Ended up barely winning by one cup, they had apparently been anticipating my loss and weren’t ‘authorized’ by the treasury person at the frat to spend that much… Frat president eventually had to get the $500 to me because he said that they were men of their words. Then watched two members get a quick vote kick for being idiots and the party shut down… Fourteen guys ended up with a ton of pizza and no party.”

• Man delivers pizza next door to a house fire

“I’ve only even been a pizza delivery driver for a month and a half and last week I had to deliver a pizza to someone whose next door neighbor’s house was on fire. I’m not talking small fire or big gardens, I’m talking three fire engines, two police cars, and two ambulances, with a burning house literally 5 meters from where I was standing in the doorway.

Very surreal greeting for the girls who opened the door, ‘Good evening, here is your pizza, your neighbor’s house is on fire.’ ”

• Guy delivers pizza to a fish-fight

“I delivered pizza for many years. There was this regular who was a pretty good tipper, so we were always fighting over who got to deliver to this guy. I got lucky and brought him his unusually large order. Turns out he was having a little get together and there were a bunch of dudes in his apartment. I saw a lot of little glass bowls all around the kitchen and a couple more on the kitchen table.

I then realized that all the dudes were holding fistfuls of money and that the bowls were filled with beta fish. They were betting on fish fights.”

• Elderly couple confused when pizza is not delivered by an Italian

“I did pizza delivery in college in central PA (relevant background information: I’m Korean). I arrived at the front door of an older couple’s house with a large pie in hand. When I rang the doorbell, the woman came out and I said, ‘I have your delivery.’ She looks at me puzzlingly and says, ‘We didn’t order no Chinese food.’

Of course, I had to explain that I was just the delivery guy and I had their large pizza in hand.”

• Strip club delivery yeilds nice tip

“Food delivery to strip clubs. I delivered to a gay bar that may or may not have been a strip club, and the guy pulled up his pants halfway and, while standing on the bar, pulled crumpled ones out of his underwear to pay me.

I wish dancers there would have ordered more often, that guy was very professional (besides unfolding his underwear money) and tipped great.”

• Pizza paid for with jug of coins worth much more

“I delivered pizza in high school. One night, I had a delivery, and it ended up being a couple of teenage stoners. They didn’t have bills when I arrived so instead they gave me a five gallon jug about half full of change. They told me they were going to count out the amount before I arrived but forgot to. I took it back with me and counted the silver.

If I remember right, the pizza was around $14.00, and the amount I was given in change was around $105.00 not counting the pennies. I was allowed to keep all of it besides the money owed for the pizza. Damn jug was heavy.”

• Hungry divorcee repeatedly flashes pizza boy

“I used to deliver to this one divorced lady’s house every week, and she used to flash me ‘by accident’ all the time. She used to wear sweatshirts with really loose necks (this was the early ’90s) and always bend over in front of me, to the point where even a naive dope like me figured out it was no accident.”

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