Paul Seaburn February 15, 2022

Everyone knows how tough it is to find that special someone to spend the rest of your life with. Some people have such a difficult time choosing a human, they give up and try life-sized dolls, aliens … and ghosts. That’s the path a one-name goth-singer-fashion-designer-personality from Oxfordshire, England, named Brocarde stepped onto last October when she publicly announced she had been seduced by Eduardo, the ghost of a 35-year-old Victorian soldier who died after falling down a well. Now the happy couple is trying to plan a summer 2022 wedding but is having all kinds of trouble, starting with the venue. (Photos of the blushing bride-to-be here.)

“We’ve been kicked out of a few churches and have been threatened with exorcism already, I want a huge white wedding but a lot of people just can’t see the vision. Edwardo has made a few appearances but there’s an overwhelming sense that he doesn’t feel comfortable in churches, it’s far too risky for him.”

Brocarde says Eduardo is afraid of religious people in general because they might try to exorcize him – a fear he also has of his future in-laws. She doesn’t says how Eduardo has made his “appearances” – he likes to write her messages on the door while she’s showering … not exactly a proper way to discuss wedding arrangements with a minister. If the church could get beyond that, the wedding might be a great way to attract more members – the guest list would definitely make social media buzz.

Dancing with the ghost guests?

“We’re going to invite our favourite historical characters, such as Elvis and Marilyn Monroe. William Shakespeare would be warmly welcomed, particularly if he’s reading a sonnet, so long as he doesn’t reenact Hamlet. On my special day, I don’t have four hours to spare for someone else’s drama.”

She told The Sun she’s also inviting Henry VIII – not exactly a good example of happy marriages — and Johnny Cash … perhaps he can change “I Walk the Line” to “I Walk the Bride.” Eduardo wants his best friend to be his best man, but there’s one little problem that could prevent him from getting to the church on time with the rings …

“Eduardo desperately wants one of his fellow soldiers to be his best man, but apparently he went to hell in 1875 for running an opium den. He hasn’t been reachable since.”

Maybe this is why Eduardo has been in a bad mood lately.

“Edwardo and I are currently arguing over the wedding date. I want a summer wedding but he hates the heat and I’d secretly love to make him melt, but he disappears often enough as it is. For weeks, we got nowhere with it, so I’m going to design a Oujia board of wedding dates, to see which we are both drawn to. I swear he’s turned into a complete groomzilla and his list of demands grows daily.”

Now there’s a woman who really wants to marry a ghost. She’s even designing her own Victorian wedding dress to go with Eduardo’s request for a Victorian three-piece suit, although she says “I just can’t see it.” He’s a ghost – NOBODY can see it!

No, Eduardo, that won’t work either.

Despite Eduardo’s attitude, Brocarde describes him as a romantic – he actually gave her a ring and drew a question mark on the steamy shower door. In return, she’s writing “my own wedding anthem and the paranormal, haunting element of Edwardo’s presence has provided me with so much inspiration.”

Does this sound like a publicity stunt? If it is, it’s definitely a clever one. Is Brocarde really marrying a ghost? Perhaps a Ouija board with wedding vows on it would answer that question. All we can do is wait until summer – and hope TMZ covers it.

MU*